The Marriage Rights Interviews: Anthony

Marriage Rights, including what they are, who should have them, and why, is a complicated issue. 

In an effort to better understand these questions and my own views on marriage rights, I'm conducting a series of interviews with people of varying religious beliefs. 

It is my hope that seeing many perspectives on such an important and life-changing issue will give us all a better understanding of our own views and the views of others.

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Name: Anthony Korahais

Religious Affiliation (please be as specific as possible): Zen Buddhism

Religious Training (if any): 20 years of Zen meditation, Shaolin Kung Fu, Qigong, and Tai Chi.

Current Occupation: Director, Flowing Zen Studio

Marital Status (legal or religious): Married

Steve: What is your stance on marriage rights/homosexual marriage/marriage equality?

Anthony:  My belief is simple: I believe that people should be free to follow their own beliefs.

Steve: Is your stance on marriage rights based on your religious beliefs? How and why, or why not?

Anthony: First of all, I think it’s important to mention that Buddhism doesn’t say that you must believe this or that. In fact, the Buddha specifically said not to accept any of his words or ideas on faith alone. Instead, we should be like an analyst buying pieces of gold, critically examining them for authenticity. We should only accept what passes the test and proves valuable. So even if the Buddha himself had said, “Gay marriage is evil,” (which he didn’t), I wouldn’t necessarily agree with him.

There are many branches of Buddhism. The one that I practice, Zen Buddhism, emphasizes the importance of meditation. Actually, the word “Zen” means meditation. Through years of meditation practice, I have developed a clearer mind, smoother emotions, and a deeper sense of peace. To get back to your question, yes, I believe that these qualities, which are a direct result of Zen meditation, have affected my stance on marriage rights.

Steve: Are there other people that hold your religious beliefs that take a different view on marriage rights? What are their reasons?

Anthony: Absolutely. I don’t represent all Buddhists, or even all Zen Buddhists. You may be surprised to hear that the world’s most famous Buddhist, His Holiness The Dalai Lama, considers homosexual intercourse to be a form of “sexual misconduct”. But he doesn’t represent all Buddhists either. 

Why does The Dalai Lama hold that view? I can only speculate. He comes from a very conservative tradition that views anything other than penis-vagina intercourse as sexual misconduct. According to Tibetan Buddhism, homosexuality, anal sex, oral sex, and masturbation are all forms of sexual misconduct. 

As I said earlier, the Buddha taught that we should not blindly accept opinions, no matter who they come from. So I’m free to disagree with The Dalai Lama and form my own opinion on the matter. Similarly, my own students are free to disagree with my stance on gay marriage.

Steve: What would you say are the reasons many people take the opposite view of yours on marriage rights?

Anthony: I think there are three main reasons why people oppose marriage rights – tradition, fear, and blind faith. 

In The Dalai Lama’s case, I think it’s an issue of tradition. If The Dalai Lama were to condone gay marriage, then the Tibetan community would be in an uproar. I’m not saying that it’s merely a political stance for him, but I suspect that his opinion is heavily influenced by Tibetan tradition. 

In the U.S., I think a lot of people oppose gay marriage out of fear. They’re afraid of the unknown. The concept of homosexuality makes them feel uncomfortable, just like the concept of interracial marriage once made people uncomfortable. Unfortunately, people will go to great lengths to avoid facing their fears.

I think there’s also a lot of blind faith out there. People often seem to accept things simply because their teacher, pastor, or parent said so. If people would simply follow the Buddha’s advice about not to taking things on faith, if they would critically examine ideas before accepting them, then their opinions might turn out quite different.

Steve: What reasons would you give to people who take the opposite view of yours on marriage rights as to why they should change their views?

Anthony: I would never try to convince someone to change their religious views. By all means, please believe whatever you want. I will even help you to fight for your right to do so. But the minute you start telling me what to believe, then we have a problem.

When you tell someone that they must believe this or that, you are committing an act of violence. In my opinion, it is one of the most dangerous forms of violence. It’s worse than physically attacking someone. 

Here’s a bit of advice: Don’t believe everything you think. In the Zen tradition, we learn to take our thoughts less seriously. When you meditate, you learn to let go of your thoughts and emotions rather than clinging to them. Letting go is a skill that takes practice.

People who learn this skill tend to be more open minded. Because their mind is not clinging to thoughts and not controlled by emotions, because they don’t believe everything they think, they are not as rigid or dogmatic.

Steve: If homosexual marriage was permanently declared illegal, what would the effects be?

Anthony: It would be a huge step backward for humanity. I honestly believe that it would be akin to banning interracial marriage. Of course, if interracial marriage were illegal today, I still would have married my wife somehow. Love will continue to transcend barriers like race, gender, age, and class, just as it has throughout human history.

Homosexuals will do the same – they will continue to marry whether it is legal or illegal. This issue of marriage rights cannot simply be swept under the carpet. The only question is whether we embrace change now, or at some point down the road.

Steve: If homosexual marriage was permanently declared legal, what would the effects be?

Anthony: For one thing, I think that adoption would become easier for gay couples, which would be a wonderful thing. There are so many orphans out there, in this country and others. While Americans bicker about the politics of gay marriage, innocent children are in desperate need of a home. I think that homosexual couples offer a great opportunity for orphans to grow up in a loving, stable environment.

Steve: In your opinion, what constitutes marriage? What is marriage?

Anthony: That’s an interesting question. Before we got married, my wife and I did a lot of research into the history of marriage. What we found was fascinating.

The concept of marriage has changed dramatically over the past 2000 years. For most of Western history, marriage was not a union between two individuals, but a business deal between two families. The modern concept of marrying for love is very, very new. It is certainly not traditional.

My definition of marriage shouldn’t really matter to anyone but me and my wife. What matters is that people are free to define marriage for themselves. My wife and I worked hard to define our own marriage. The vows that we took, the promises that we made in front of our family, friends, and God – those were very personal. I shudder at the thought of someone else writing those vows for us.

Personally, I would define marriage as a union based on mutual love, respect, loyalty, and honesty – qualities that have nothing to do with sexual orientation. I also think that these qualities having nothing to do with the government. The government shouldn’t be defining my marriage any more than they should be defining my religious beliefs.

Steve: Do you have any other thoughts on the subject of marriage rights?

Anthony: Before my wife and I got married, we asked each other – who are our role models. Sadly, there aren’t many. When you look at so-called “traditional” marriage in the U.S., you can clearly see that it is riddled with divorce, infidelity, anger, and discontent. Something isn’t working. 

If something isn’t working, then it’s time to try something else. I applaud homosexuals and others who are trying new variations of marriage. Let them take a crack at it. Who knows? Maybe they’ll teach us something.

What this world needs is more love, not more discord. We should be supporting love in all of its wonderful and varied combinations. If two people love each other and want to commit to each together – isn’t that a wonderful thing? Love is love. Celebrate it, in all forms.

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Anthony is the Director of FlowingZen in Gainesville, Florida. Steve first met Anthony at a Cosmos Chi Kung seminar in Lawton, Oklahoma, in 2009. Anthony is Steve's Sifu, and he likes his steaks rare.

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In these interviews, I am attempting to be as neutral as possible. I will not edit the questions or filter the responses in any way, preferring to accurately capture the views of the individual interviewed, without interpreting them or assigning value to them in any way.

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The Marriage Rights Interviews:
Introduction
Akemi, a Hindu/Catholic/Southern Baptist/Sufi/Buddhist
Anthony, a Zen Buddhist
Cass, a Spiritual Humanist and former Evangelical minister
Cassie, a Kabbalistic Messianic Jew
Jason, a Reform Jew
Katie, a Roman Catholic
Melissa, an Orthodox Christian
Peri, a Conservative/Reform Jew
Rob, an Independent Christian Church minister
Superman, an Independent Christian Church minister whose identity shall remain a secret
Conclusion